we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
