on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
