ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
