woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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