if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
