How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize