3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
