so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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