an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
