so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
