it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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