So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
