do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
