need another drink. this is the easiest way
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
