My first STD was from a foam party
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
