He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
