so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
