She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize