finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
