1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
