Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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