i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize