420 ftw
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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