Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Houston, we have a squirter
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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