i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm really busy with my period
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