i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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