i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
