She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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