He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
