I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Randomize