whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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