i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
