I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
