Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
