You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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