To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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