Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
