I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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