hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just blew my weed a kiss
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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