??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
