i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
