Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
