how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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