is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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