Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
