I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
