You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
