Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
