There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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