He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
