3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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