In America we eat man semen.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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