Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize