She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
