I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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