I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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