Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
