I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
