He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
