just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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