I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize