good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
