my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
