i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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