Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Randomize
