is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
