I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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