A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
"it" just moved
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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