puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
