it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
