bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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