is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
