I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
