Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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