Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
