Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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