it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
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