Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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