Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
