In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
