Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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