Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I am midnight drunk by noon
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
