got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
