And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
