just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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