I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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