yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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