Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
