I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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