the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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