oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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