He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
