you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
