Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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