We're facebook friends in real life
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
