i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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