I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
