You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Last time i carry you out of a forest
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
