I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I FOUND THE LEGS
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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