its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
