dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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