so explain again why im purple
no
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
