is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
