Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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