Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
