Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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