In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
