I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
