you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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