I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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