My first STD was from a foam party
she smelled like a LAN party
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
