We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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