She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Randomize
