She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize