well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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