it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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