so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
