Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
