Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
