I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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