Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
