Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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